What if you SUCCEED?
What is scarier than (the fear of) failure?
The fear of success*!!!
Say what??!?!? You hear me right. The fear of actually succeeding can actually be scarier than the fear of failure. I know it sounds counter intuitive and I think this is why I struggled to accept it for myself for so long. The more I thought about it though, the more I realised it makes total sense. Right from birth we’re basically conditioned to accept, learn from, and then even to some extent expect failure…… just think about when a baby is learning to walk; yet we’re not specifically taught how to succeed.
What’s my point? Well I’ve been absent on my socials and blog for a while now (and it’s not the first time); and, today it dawned on me that despite the stories or excuses I’ve told myself it boils down to being scared to succeed. Jump over to my resources page and watch a thought provoking video clip on fear.
At the end of January I made the conscious decision to wrap up my corporate life after 10 years in Human Resources, to give myself the time to provide myself the physical and mental space needed and dedicate myself to building my business. Despite creating an environment for myself where I am best suited to really go for it, I’ve found myself frozen.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
I know how to fail and how to recover from a fail – I fear that I don’t know how to succeed….. what does that even look like!!?!?
Sometimes I feel that because of all the personal development work I’ve done, I shouldn’t have ‘down’ days, or I should be able to keep the self-doubt and negative self-talk out of my mindset. That’s not the case though
I have days were I think no one cares what I have to say.
I have days where I wonder why anyone would even want to follow me.
I have days where I feel I’ve got nothing of value to offer.
I have days where I doubt why I am taking the risk of leaving secure employment.
Here’s what I sometimes need to remind myself of;
I love what I do. I love creating stationery, I love taking what I’ve learned and developing material that will support others to be the best version of themselves, I love working with groups, I love coaching people through times of transition and empowering them to embrace their vulnerability, find their courage, and live with passion, so they can be the best version of themselves possible.
I read The Speed of Trust, written by Stephen M. R. Covey, years ago, and honestly even though it really resonated with me at the time, I haven’t given it much thought since then. Until today, when I had a really strong memory/sense ………..
The Speed of Trust taught me that in order to be able to open ourselves up to others (trusting and being trusted) we first need to trust ourselves. What really hit home for me, and was the reminder I needed today, was how we can so easily show (or undermine) trust in ourselves. It’s the small things that matter – An example I found really relatable was about choosing what time to set our alarm clocks for.
If when I go to bed I decide I’m going to get up at 5am and set my alarm accordingly, yet come 5am I either snooze multiple times or turn it off and keep sleeping, then I’m sending myself a message that what I said/thought/decided yesterday is no longer valid - that I will change my mind at the last minute.
I agree there are times where it is valid to change your mind, situations change and we need to be able to accommodate these. The example I’m drawing on is the unwarranted, repeated times that accumulate and affect the trust we have in ourselves. This lesson ties in nicely to a life rule I’ve talked about before – make a decision and make it once (saves a lot of energy and also increases your trustworthiness = double win!).
So this is me, being vulnerable, finding my courage to rediscover my passion.
I’m putting it out there….
Hint: keep an eye out for Self-love challenge I’m hosting with by epic gal pal The Mood Lifter in a few weeks (#accountability)
*IMO (In My Opinion)